Swapna, a mother of two, works 11 hours every day. Her husband, Mahesh also puts in long hours as an executive director of an advertising agency. While their careers are definitely on track, they both think something else has gone off course family time. "It's a challenge for me to stay really tuned in to my children's lives", says Swapna, who feels she's missing out on time she might be spending with her daughter Kiran (7years), and her son, Ram (4 years), especially on the weekends, when grocery shopping and laundry seem to take priority.
This couple, like most parents in double-income households, long for more time with their children. And rightly so. Unfortunately, the stress of trying to integrate parenting and household duties with full-time work often spills over into the way parents interact with their youngsters.
Quantity or Quality? Aim for Both.
Some experts have argued that the amount of time children spend with their parents isn't really that important; instead, what matters most is the 'quality' of their time together. Quantity does matter, given how much stock kids put into it. Children who spend more time with their moms and dads feel that their parents are truly putting family first. And a child who feels this way is bound to develop a deeper sense of security and worth.
That's not to say that quality has no place in the equation. Quality has a place but not in the way you might think. Focussed time is better because that means you can help your really cranky child deal with a difficult teacher, or teach your kids how to stop fighting with each other. The point is to give your child your full, focussed attention, no matter what you might be doing together. That's truly what your child wants and needs the most.
Now that you know what you should be striving for, the question is how do you get it? How do you achieve 'focussed time' with your child? While reducing your hours of work may not be an option, there are lots of ways you can maximise and enrich the time you spend with your children.
Take the time you spend with them in the car running errands, chauffeuring them to swimming lessons and piano practice or picking them from friends' homes. All of that driving time offers ample opportunity for bonding and attachment.
Another opportunity for connection is when you're getting dinner ready. Instead of making it a rushed, slapdash affair, consider inviting your children to assist. Even really young kids can help you measure, pour and stir. And they just love it!!
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