Hi All,

I want to let this out from my system.We were a happily married couple with a kid until sometime ago. My husband is a good partner and a good father and I have good inlaws. I am a simple girl. He too loves me and we were happy.To put the story short I got to know my husband had an affair with his office friend from past few months. He was doing it right in front of me and I had never suspected his calls and meeetings with her. I always thought it is good to give space and not feel jealous if he goes out with a female. First first I found it strange as he does not have many female friends when he used to talk to her or tell me he went out with her for coffee. He told me she is good and best friend. So I also thought not to be insecured and thing stupid things about both of them. Later after few months I got to know that this was affair. He said yes and agreed to all the wrong.He said sorry. He realised his mistake. I calmly asked him where our relation ship gone wrong. He said, it was no reason and he got carried away and explained and told me the affair fully.we spoke less for few days. After that slowly I spoke to him. He was sorry. But what am suprised is my behaviour. Any other lady in my place wld have divorce. I thought practically. Life cannot be bed of roses always. Noone will have happy marriage. Mistakes happen. Now affai has happend. How many times shd I ask him why u cheated . Cheating has happend and no matter how many times I will ask, it will not change. Happend is happend. If I leave this guy, what guarantee I will find a nice decent family and a good guy to my child? To avoid all this mess, I digested the affair and accepted him. But time to time, when am low this affair reminds me and I become dull. Earlier I nevr used to yell at him . I have been a polite girl. Now he has become soft, but me when I am sad, I start a fight with him and remebering the old affair. I really feel bad about myself and always tell myself once forgiven him, not to dig old stories, but I cannot control. For small things, now I expect him to do like what I want. Somehwere inside I feel, for the mistake he did to me, he should love me 10 times more and never make me sad again. I know this is stupid. But I cannot control myself. I feel bad for fighting and scolding him ( I never used to do it to him) for small issues. I feel sorry for him.Soemtimes I feel I have taken his cheating episode very lightly and I should be more controlling and dominating. But I am not used to be that kind.   Other times I feel am takign advantage of his mistake and for little reasons I feel it is my right to scold him. Am so confused . To others in the family am one cheerful happy smiling girl. But inner issues and my latest mood offs only husband knows. IAfter this he has chnaged and beocme polite to me ( earlier he was controlling type), but I EXPECT MORE DEMONSTRATION OF LOVE NOWADAYS, which he not able to undertsand. I too love him.Where is life going? What example shd I set for kids?  I see my friends, they are happy with each other even if they fight, because none of their partner cheated. I reduced  speakign to my friends because I am least interested in knowing about others when there is so much happend between us. Help me out of this stupid misery.