A successful marriage is all a question of the right way of handling any conflict that may arise among the couple. It is not as if all successful marriages are perfect marriages – conflicts and disagreements are all part of any marriage. Everything hinges on how well these conflicts are handled and how soon one is able to solv
e issues without allowing them to escalate.
So you have had a fight with your husband over an issue which seems to have no solution in sight. Do you give him the ‘silent treatment’, stonewalling his attempts at conversation, avoiding looking at him, getting defensive for no reason or do you treat him with contempt to show that your stand is superior? Ah! That is the root cause of most disagreements leading to a divorce.
Some tips on dealing with the situation
Never let what begins as an argument become a major disagreement. Try to repair the situation when it is still in the first stage. What you have to do, however clumsy you may feel about it, is to show a willingness to make up. Over the years you will realize that this attitude is the pivot of any successful marriage.
It is not as if every argument or issue can be amicably solved. In fact, some issues may never be resolved even over a period of time – some of the common ones being in-law problems, money and even issues involving the kids. It is all a question of learning to live with the differences and adjusting to each other that will help bind the marriage.
Learning to treat each other with respect will determine the strength of your marriage. Love is no doubt important, but what will eventually sustain the marriage is the respect you have and show for each other. Always interact with each other warmly and give it a special tint to show your respect and love as often as possible. This will keep your marriage alive even during periods of disagreement.
Life is a bed of roses in the beginning of married life irrespective of whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage. One begins to notice the subtle changes when the first baby arrives. Marital satisfaction hits a new low with the baby’s arrival. Now is the time to understand that this is but a normal development that most couples go through and just hang in till it passes.
You could say the same about sex too. Do not expect your sex life to be all rosy and like that of a Mills and Boon couple. There will be highs and lows – learn to go with the tide. Enjoy the highs when they happen and cope with the lows. Imagine how boring it would be without this variety!
When you took your saat pheres, you made certain commitments to the marriage and to each other. This does not mean that marriage should be static and remain where it all began. Welcome and grow with change. Try to understand your partner and grow with him without losing your individuality – only then will you click as a couple.
Simple skills when practiced regularly can help to stabilize your marriage. Share whatever you like and appreciate about your partner. Learn to share all your hopes and dreams and make him part of your life in every sense. Discuss any changes in plans and situations and keep him in the loop always.
Never let misunderstandings fester or suspicions linger unnecessarily. Clear up the air as soon as possible. If there is something you don’t like, be open and tell him about how you would like to have it done instead of just criticizing him.
These few tips might be used as a guideline to resolving conflicts, especially if the conflict sets in early in the marriage. There are always happy solutions to any problem – it is how you look for and find them that makes all the difference between a successful and unsuccessful marriage.
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