The baby's father will not slip into his role like a veteran… he isn't one, remember?

Men's roles are changing. Many men now do venture into the delivery room. So many women expect 'dad' will also automatically wake up for night feedings, change diapers without asking and generally share in baby care. In most cases, this simply does not happen for many reasons. Many men equate fathering with being a good provider, and feel the pressure to work even harder after the baby is born. Thus, rather than immersing themselves in baby care, they may actually withdraw into work, feeling this makes them a better father. They may also take longer to develop a strong bond with the baby, since most fathers do not spend as much time as mothers do with an infant.

The birth of a baby will not magically transform either your wife or you into perfect, new parents. Take it slowly and give each other a lot of leeway in these early months.

Are you quite composed?

Mental health is the key to successful parenting. Parental wellbeing depends on the self-image, composure and confidence of a parent. If you feel good about yourself and like your life as a parent, you will pass the benefits on to your children.

Here are a few keys to composure… as a parent. They are not hard and fast rules. Use them to believe in yourself.

You are the 'expert' with your child

Advice is free and most people give it generously. Don't play into the hands of all and sundry. Listening to an unending stream of advice, opinions, criticism will result in confusion. Take in details from elders and those that know your child, check with your doctors and rely on your instincts.

A relaxed parent is a better parent

Relaxation brings clarity of thinking and full enjoyment of your child's childhood. If you are tense and nervous, your child is likely to feel the same way. More than 90 per cent of parenting involves common sense. There is no such thing as a 'right' or 'wrong' method. You love your child and understand her needs. Trust yourself. Relax.

You are the captain

Parents and children are not equals. Children have a right to unconditional love, respect, security and care-but not authority. Democracy does not always work well in a family. Earn and maintain your respect.

It's a duet

Parenting is joint responsibility. It's a game of mixed doubles. Get involved together from the start. Fatherhood begins with conception - it doesn't end there. Take charge together. Thereafter, from smile to smile through all the milestones and …crosses and cross roads - parenting is a shared joy.

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