Time it right. Even resolving a conflict has a time and place. You just cannot expect to talk about issues that need tactful handling when you are not in the correct mindset. Just make sure that the whole exercise is about finding solutions. Not elaborating the problem. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind when conflicts arise.

Define the conflict. Make a genuine effort to understand what the conflict is all about.

• Are you sure both of you are not talking at cross-purposes?
• Do you know what really is the bone of contention?
• Have you given the issue a second thought?
• Do you feel about it strongly? Or can you let it go?
• Has it been brought up and resolved?

Make a choice. If it helps, settle the issue and get it out of the way.

Communicate effectively. A lack of effective communication could cause anger and hurt, even when no offence was meant.

• Do either of you have difficulty in putting a point across?
• Is there a difference between what is said and what is meant?
• Is it your language that is failing you?
• Are your emotions taking control?

In situations like these, it helps to speak with positive attitude instead. A caring attitude can't be misunderstood. Let your attitude speak for you. And let it show that it is not the marriage you are disputing, but a troublesome problem that is worrying you.

Time it right. Don't start a conflict when tempers are running high. If the issue is an important one, it is better to wait for an appropriate time to bring it up. If you insist on speaking in anger, it could ruin the whole thing for you. You might have the satisfaction of letting out your steam, but in all probability you're still stuck with the problem.

• Trust is all-important.
  No conflict can be resolved without trust and faith. You must believe and trust your spouse. You must know that he cares about the marriage as much as you do. That he wants to resolve conflicts too and not aggravate it. With this mindset, both of you will feel more secure.

• Honesty is essential.
  Do not be afraid to admit- "I think I've made a mistake" or "I've misjudged the situation", or "Yes, I can see your point of view now. Maybe I've over reacted." Be honest with yourself, and with your spouse. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes to your marriage. Your relationship will be all the better for it.

• Look for solutions. Have problem? Find solution! Don't keep flogging dead horses. You can't bring them back to life. Your focus should only be on finding a way out of the present quandary.

• Remain focused. A lack of purpose would hardly help. Get to the point. Are you hesitant to tackle the main issue? Would you rather beat around the bush? You'll only rake up smaller issues and make a big deal of them.

• Take immediate measures. Would you feel better if you list out the actions each of you needs to take in order to solve the problem? It adds focus to the situation. If the solution does not prove to be effective, you can always make changes once again.

• Don't forget to forgive. Apologise when in the wrong. Similarly, forgive whole-heartedly if you have been wronged.

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