The One Who Loses Authority

In a marriage, automatically we tend to take charge in our areas of expertise, both for efficiency's sake and to stake out our turf. So, he's the financial planner and she disciplines the children. This works fine until one of them wants to do something else.

Whatever your 'special' area, giving it up incurs a sense of injury. Yes, you wish he would take an interest in the house but do you want him telling you which fabrics to choose, just because he read an article on home decoration? Eventually, we make room for each other's new interests and abilities but first we have to get over the resistance to sharing power.

While taking on a role that was previously the exclusive domain of your spouse, remember that each of you needs a chance to shine. Certainly permissible and even desirable. After all, who wants to be stuck with the same chores for the next 30 years? But even when such changes are welcome, they should be instituted with diplomacy.

Say your newly retired husband now wants to plan family holidays. That's OK, but if he jettisons all your years of experience, you might be offended. And if you want to research the next car purchase on your own just because you're interested, be sure to tell your mate that the things you've learnt from him gave you confidence.

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