When is a space not a space? When it closes the gaps in your marriage.
Wouldn`t you agree that sometimes the greatest gift your husband can give is simply to leave you alone? Don`t you suspect there are times he secretly wishes for the same freedom from you?
- Room to breathe may mean nothing more than a chance to show others a facet of your personality that your mate finds less interesting. For example: Your girlfriends may adore your imitations of famous people, while your husband finds them silly.
- Room to breathe also eases the adjustments you need to make to live as a couple. Think of everything that you might do, if your spouse weren`t there to get irritated by them. Would you go to four movies on a Sunday? (You don`t because he`s not a film buff). But if he takes the kids to visit his family without you, it`s a blissful movie-marathon weekend for you. Result? You reconnect sweetly because you were able to satisfy your souls independently.
- Room to breathe also means room to change - to have both time and permission to develop new talents, new interests and new occupations strictly on your own. Marriage profoundly shapes who we are. Spaces in marriage keep it from limiting who we are.
But How Much Is Too Much?
The amount of independence each person needs and can tolerate varies enormously. That`s why it`s impossible to generalise about such things as whether a long-distance marriage is "goodŁ or "badŁ. What you can say with certainty is that a commuter marriage creates huge spaces, and to stay close, a couple must commit to building bridges. In fact, couples who live apart are sometimes so intent on staying close that they communicate more effectively than those who have never spent a night apart. Still, going to bed and waking up together are powerful ties and many couples can`t overcome the absence of this togetherness.
The key is in finding a balance. A balance between togetherness and space. Different situations warrant different strategies. And depending on your unique situation, decide your strategy to either draw near or pull away!