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 A harrassed housewife remarks, "How much can a woman do? Look at this stack of dirty dishes." Her husband continues watching Sri Lanka taking a beating at the hands of the all new Indian team. A little later, she explodes. "I just don't believe this." "What's the matter?" he asks. "I asked you to help me with the chores but you are so selfish, your match is more important to you than I am".
"When did you ask me? You never did anything of the kind"… the man replies.
Here are the two halves of the communication equation that causes so many problems between men and women:
A woman expects a man to notice, to be aware. If he cared enough, he would know what she wants is her 'logic'. A man expects direct communication, an explicit request. If somebody wants something done, they should ask for it. Wife included.
The gender gap that creates an imbalance in domestic burdens isn't always the result of traditional stereotypes, time constraints or unwillingness to work together. Often, it is the chasm between the way men and women communicate.
A major stumbling block for many women is they feel they shouldn't have to make the request directly. A woman thinks that if a man loves her he would perceive the need without her having to bring it up   and that it is demeaning to 'ask'.
Most of us learned a myth while growing up, that if someone really loves us they'd know what we want   but of course that isn't true.
It is better, if we wish to be understood, to be more direct. Often, a dropped hint lies there unnoticed. Propose options. Say, "I could do this and you could do that, and then we'd have more time together." Unfortunately, women are sometimes afraid to make carefully worded requests, and instead let things fester. They wait until things overwhelm them and then explode.
So, when you wish to communicate, do be clear about what you want. Work on the premise that the man understands… or at least wants to understand. Assuming that he won't understand increases the gender gap further. Which defeats the issue entirely.
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