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Divorce and its aftermath, should it happen, remains one of the most painful situations in one's life. The sad part is that in most cases, such a situation need not have reached such magnitude. What then are some of the basic causes of a break up?
- Are past fears haunting you?
Were you, at the time of your marriage, haunted by feelings of inadequacy – the fear that you were not good looking enough for your handsome fiancé, the fear that your family was inferior to his, the decidedly low feeling when you compared your qualifications to his?
These fears come to the surface at some point of time and can be triggered by some stray comment on the part of your spouse. You react badly as you have experienced the feeling of inadequacy already before.
At such times, it would do you a world of good if you can just turn inward and look at yourself. Assess yourself kindly and with a feeling of self respect. Stop blaming your husband as it is more your issue than his. Are you building up too much on some inane remark he has made? Is there a true basis to your fears? Whatever it is, have the courage to make a clean assessment and be bold enough to make the necessary changes in your attitude. Ask for help if you need it, but be courageous enough to ask for it.
- Is it the feeling of not being appreciated or understood?
It is but human desire to be loved, appreciated and understood by our spouses in particular. When this does not happen, we tend to withdraw with a feeling of hurt, and may even resort to attacking the other person as a defensive action. But do you pause to think if you have appreciated other people in your life? Begin doing it and you will be surprised at the results. Does it sound too simple? Just try it and you will find it really works!
Start appreciating what people do for you in your daily life. Feel and see love around you. Send out warm feelings of appreciation and watch the wonder of finding the love snowball into your life.
- Have you made your relationship a priority in your life?
Have you been taking your relationship for granted and stopped giving it the attention it needs? You find yourselves slowly but surely growing apart and this lack of closeness can cause real unhappiness and a feeling of loneliness. All you have to do is to set aside a certain amount of time only for your spouse and use it to connect with him. Make these special moments a priority in your life. Whenever you think of your partner, have positive thoughts and your attitude will continue when you come face to face and will manifest in expressions of love and happiness.
- Do you end any argument by making your partner feel he is ‘wrong'?
This is easily the biggest mistake that couples make. In surpassing each other in this mission of making the other person feel that they are in the wrong, we tend to pour out words that are critical and vehement. With the result that defenses and walls go up immediately and the loved ones are soon enemies. Stop being judgemental. Take a deep breath before you utter words that you cannot take back. Instead of healing the relationship, you will end up erecting an indestructible wall. Open your heart to the person you love and you will find a better understanding of what is going on.
These are a few common mistakes that married couples tend to make in their relationships. Take heed of these and you may succeed in preventing small misunderstandings from escalating into a divorce situation. If you have anything further to add, do write into our Random Blog section and feel free to express yourself.
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