Mama don`t preach, papa knows best.
He loves the kids, he really does. It`s just that sometimes it hurts them more than it does them good
He loves the kids. He probably is the greatest dad in the world. But that doesn`t mean he is the most efficient or the most careful. It`s not that he`s irresponsible, it`s just that sometimes he`s a little less careful than he should. And heaven knows you`ve tried to tell him. But, for some reason he never heeds your advice - you know, papa knows best. And everything time you try and tell him something, it leads to a fight. You`re tactful, but he still screams back.
We`ll take it from here:
It`s good that one of you is taking the first step, but that doesn`t mean you have to fix it all by yourself. And that first step is to figure out what causes both of you to interact in this way. What is causing the problem? Try looking at the different roles you are playing in life - mother, wife, daughter, business owner, boss. Then make sure you play each role in its proper context. These role-switches enhance the trust and intimacy in their relationship; but only if each spouse is careful not to extend the role beyond its temporary usefulness - ie, from temporarily protective father to domineering husband; from occasional motherly nurturing to habitual mothering. Ask yourself whether you tend to bring home, inadvertently, the directorial role you play at work. If the answer is yes, imagine how your husband must feel when, after a day of being bossed around at work, he comes home to a boss in wife`s clothing. Understand that unsolicited corrections, help, advice and suggestions are usually heard and interpreted by their recipients as put-downs and criticism. It is important to know that, in general, men, because of their traditional roles as protectors and providers, have an overwhelming need to feel competent; and especially, to feel that their partners believe they are competent. Therefore, when directions are given to a man (and even some women), any hint that his/her competence is being called into question must be avoided.
Here`s what you can do:
Prevent the conflict by anticipating it: If your husband forgets to test the milk temperature on his skin before giving it to the baby, next time, don`t wait to see whether he is going to forget. Choose a moment when you are both relaxed and make him aware of it by saying something like ``I always worry that the milk may be too hot or cold even though I do test it on my wrist.
How do you check if it`s OK?``.
Show him that you are concerned about baby`s discomfort, but do not dramatise. Above all, do not blame him. Remain patient when you feel exasperated or not listened-to and remain considerate of your husband`s feelings when you feel critical of him.
When to confront and safely
If you decide to initiate the safe confrontation, choose a time when you are both relaxed and neither hungry nor tired. Prepare him - but be firm; don`t hesitate and don`t ask for permission. Tell him that there`s something that has been bothering you a while now. If he seems curious or even mildly willing to enter the discussion, start the safe confrontation. When you confront or when he confronts, listen first before offering any solution.