Get your son out of his shell. Get your daughter out of your hair. The shy child vs the hyperactive one. How are you going to deal with them?

"He just doesn't speak. I've tried everything. He is so shy."

Pan to mom #2.

"Can someBODY shut this kid up? I haven't slept in two days. His hyperactivity is going to be the end of me."

Chances are you've experienced, are experiencing, or will experience either or both of these types of kids. Question is how do you deal with them? Maybe this will help.

The shy child

• Don't try to change him because that says "I don't like you"' loud and clear. And since a shy child is already very sensitive that is not going to help much.

• Prepare him for a new experience assuring him that you will be there every step of the way. But don't be domineering. Try to give him some control. Let him make some of the decisions.

• Introduce him to some kids like him, so, he'll learn from them.

• Don't go overboard with the praises. Let him know it is okay to be a bit bad at times.

• Urge your husband to spend time with him and do things with him. He'll see how his father deals with frustrations, aggressions, etc.

• Encourage him to talk about what he learns from watching and listening to other children or adults.

• Find appropriate outlets for his competitive feelings    card games, perhaps or whatever he enjoys.

• Ask yourself if you are constantly resisting his attempts to venture out.

• Give him the reassurance of respectful discipline    gentle but firm is best for a sensitive child.

The active child

• Try to understand that her temperament is inborn. She cannot change it, but she can learn to control.

• Look for her strengths instead of weaknesses.

• Understand that your temperament and hers may be a difficult fit, but don't blame yourself for that. Pinpoint which situations build her activity level, then help her see what overloads her.

• Use firm, quiet and effective discipline but only for a few important things.

• Keep stress down and prepare her for overstimulating situations.

• Slow down, sit with her and talk with a lowered voice. This way, you are modelling how to behave.

• Use relaxation techniques    rocking, soothing    when her tension starts to build.

• When she is not upset, talk to her about what might help calm her down when she is upset.

• Praise her for any self-control.

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