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 1. Affirm unconditionally
Whether we like it or not, we live in a conditional society. We have to perform in order to stay employed. Sometimes our children sense that they must perform to be loved. They have difficulty separating who they are from what they do, and unfortunately we too often add to the confusion by praising our kids when they make the team, bag the trophy, top the class or win a contest. Although there is nothing wrong with recognising a child's accomplishments, such affirmation must balance with recognising the youngster's unconditional value. Tell your children what a beautiful difference they have made to your life… irrespective of whether they are achievers or not.
2. Empower the youngster with choices
Whenever possible, allow the youngster to exercise skills of decision-making by offering choices. This is especially helpful with the youngster who has difficulty in completing tasks, as the child is more apt to initiate and complete that which he or she has selected. Ask the child to choose what to do and when to complete it. This approach is usually perceived by the child as being a fair and reasonable gesture.
3. Occasionally let the youngster lead
If you have a youngster who is sometimes critical of the way you do things, let him plan the next family outing or activity. Provide a few guidelines and a budget, then let the kid have a go at it. This won't necessarily ensure that everyone will have a great time on the activity, but it will eliminate much of the complaining. Be certain to recognise the youngster for his or her efforts.
4. Make tasks fun
There's no rule that says that chores and tasks have to be miserable and never-ending. It's a fact, however, that more conflicts occur within families over issues of tasks including homework than anything else. Devise play-way methods for making even chores fun. These methods, you will be surprised to know, work even for older children!
5. Lighten up
If we're not careful, we'll become so overcome by parenthood we'll neglect the opportunities to enjoy it. Hang on to your sense of humour; you'll need it. Spontaneity is a great source of fun, and when done in good faith, it almost always improves relationships. Food fights and water-gun duels are messy, but loads of fun. No harm is intended or taken, and everyone joins in on the cleanup. Let your kids know that parents aren't perfect. Encourage them to let you know if you do or say something that bothers them or hurts their feelings. If you were wrong, apologise.
6. Recognise improvement
Kids sometimes feel that, if ever they did anything well, no one would even notice anyway. So notice. Recognise the child's effort, express your appreciation about it, and give your interpretation of the benefit derived because of the improvement. interpret what you think the improvement means.
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