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Home » Relationships » Children » How to help your kids stay close
As any mom of more than one child knows, the road to sibling compatibility is riddled with potholes. And parents have to work hard to show kids that they can be life's greatest gift to each other instead of life's biggest pain. While personal chemistry is a factor, experts say there are strategies you can use to minimise animosity between siblings, maximise the love they feel for each other and help them foster a lifelong bond.
Here are some ideas:
- Give them their space - together.
There's something about babies that draws all of us - including other kids - to them. Step back and let your kids get to know each other on their own terms. First make sure that things are safe, though. In her enthusiasm, your older child might yank off little baby's arm or some hair!! Lay down some rules. She can touch Tarun any time, as long as she washes her hands first. Let her help with diapering, feeding and patting for a burp. It will pay off! From the first most adoring gummy smiles, you know that they are a winning team. Despite the fact that the arrival of one child had caused the dethroning of the other, this will be the beginning of their very own relationship.
No matter what the age of your older children is, it's important to find ways to involve them with the baby. Shared experiences foster an emotional connection and create empathy. If you interfere with that connection, it will inevitably cause jealousies between siblings, which will damage their future relationship. - …and know when to keep them apart
Don't force the kids to spend time together. This would only cause resentment, which would undermine their connection. Children deserve their own playtime with friends. The day will come when the younger child will want to play with his own friends and the older one will be excluded. That's just the way life goes.
When one of your children opts to enjoy private time with a pal, try to have fun stuff on hand for the ones who are left out. Even some leggos or watercolours would do the trick. Or assemble the train set and play with them or bake cakes! They love this Mommy Time. If you just don't have the time, try to arrange for all of them to have friends over at the same time. When the friends are gone, your kids will seem especially appreciative of each other's company. - Build a team
The key strategies: Resist comparison and labelling (â€"She's the smart one, and he's the artistic oneâ€), which can make them more competitive for your love, attention and approval. Instead, emphasise unity.
Encouraging team spirit doesn't mean that each child shouldn't get his or her moments of glory. So while you never say who drew the most beautiful picture or turned the perfect cartwheel, point out things you admire in each of their endeavours and encourage them to praise each other's accomplishments. And whenever they ask the dreaded question, â€"Which of us do you love best?†say that you love your team above all. - Stop playing the referee
When the two older kids bicker, hold them equally responsible – so if they don't resolve the problem, both pay the consequences. This shows your kids you place a premium on co-operation. Sure, you could try to figure out who did what to whom first. But not only is this tedious for you, your kids learn nothing about how to get along without a mediator. When they fight over which video to watch, tell them you're confident they can work it out so everyone is happy (and if they don't, nobody watches anything). They will come to an agreement miraculously! - Help them open up
When one of the kids drives another crazy and the injured party goes on a rampage, the best tactic is to say, â€"Look at him/her and say how that makes you feel.†It actually does diffuse most conflicts. Similarly, when you catch your kids doing something nice for each other, remind the recipient of the good deed to express his or her appreciation.
When your kids get along, life is really sweet!
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