Every parent faces the age-old problem of forging a family discipline system. Handling misbehaviour consistently while preserving loving relationships is never easy. Children present new challenges daily, and they often act up precisely when we're most tired and overwhelmed. Fortunately, experts agree that a three-legged discipline programme - praising good behaviour, ignoring some bad behaviour, and providing consequences for breaking family rules can work wonders. The aim is to preserve parental sanity while teaching kids the values they need, to get along in the world.

Praise Good BehaviourIt may seem paradoxical, but one of the most effective tools disciplining children is praise. The best way to get your child to do something you want her to do is to catch her doing it and then praise her for it. The more you praise her, the more the good behaviour is likely to replace her old habit.

Make your praise as specific as possible, so that your child knows exactly what she did right. Give her a hug or pat on the back, then 'label' her good behaviour: "Thank you for putting your toys on the shelf so neatly!"

But praising good conduct isn't always easy, especially since your own emotions enter the discipline equation too. If the kids have finally stopped squabbling, it's tempting to tiptoe by and savour the precious minutes of peace for you (or to fold laundry). But try to stop first and say, "I really like how you guys are sharing".

As stilted as such positive statements may sound, making them a habit is worth the effort. If the only time you're paying attention to your children is when they're misbehaving, you're inadvertently encouraging them to misbehave whenever they want your attention.

Set Clear Rules and ConsequencesRemember that you can't fight a hundred battles at once, so give priority to rules that reflect your values. For most parents, that means standards of safety and cleanliness, along with rules about kindness, honesty and respect for others.

When your child goes out of these bounds, be prepared with the consequences. Many parents like 'logical' penalties, like not reheating food for a child who comes late to the dinner table. You can also take away privileges - something your child cares about - like TV watching or playing outside. Try to mete out discipline soon after the infraction. Then, your child will associate the misbehaviour with the consequence and understand why she's being disciplined. But don't pile on the punishment; short-term, minimal penalties are usually good enough.

Whichever consequence you choose, your child should know about it ahead of time. Make sure she understands the values behind the rules. Explain why you are punishing her in a firm, calm voice. Even if you're angry, you need to fake and be as neutral as possible. The objective is to get through to your child and not to scare her out of her wits! If you have trouble calming, do take a deep breath and a break for a few minutes to think about what you're going say. You can even take some time for yourself and leave the room until your temper has cooled.

Let Some Things GoIgnore behaviour that's harmless. Just know that when you let your child's annoying behaviour slide, it will increase momentarily, so steel yourself to outlast that peak. Then greet any improvement with a positive word or smile.

Setting up a three-legged discipline system is all well and good, but following it consistently is another matter altogether. Who hasn't started to take away a toy, then softened in the glow of an angelic smile and an apology? It's not easy to enforce rules when you're bone-tired. Every parent has made a huge threat while angry, then chickened out on enforcing it later. But too much inconsistency sends a mixed message, which dilutes your authority. All children want to know is, 'Does she really mean it?' If you threaten and don't follow through, they know you don't.

You can foster consistency choosing the right consequence. Minimal, short-term penalties are easier to enforce and just as effective as drastic punishments - especially if you've chosen a privilege your child cares about. Three minutes is an eternity to a 6-year-old who wants to build with his legos. Just don't pick a consequence that will punish you too, like staying away from a family party.

If you feel yourself wavering and are ready to reverse a consequence, remember that you wipe out those four times when you ignored a temper tantrum by giving in the fifth time. And remind yourself that discipline is healthy: Kids feel emotionally secure when parents provide dependable boundaries. Discipline is not so much a punishment as a lesson of love.

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