What is 'Empathy'?

The buzz word one hears ever so often today is ‘ empathy '. While we have all heard of ‘ sympathy ' which is synonymous with compassion, pity and understanding, not many of us are aware of the importance of empathy which is even beyond any expression of sympathy. So, what then is ‘empathy' and why has it become so important today? According to a famous psychiatrist, Alfred Adler, empathy is â€"to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another and to feel with the heart of another”. This explanation will show you the exact difference between ‘sympathy' and ‘empathy'. When you show sympathy, you are an outsider who views the situation from a distance and feel for the person experiencing the situation. But ‘empathy' involves the observer totally at any given level. There is a complete identification with the experiencer's perspective and there is a total emotional connect. To the extent that one may even go through sensations that identify one with the other person. It is, in short, a holistic involvement.

Empathy is something that may be inborn, but it is not something that cannot be developed at any stage of your life. It is a quality that can change our entire outlook and attitude as well as change the quality of life around you, whether the empathy is innate or just a matter of temperament and personality. It is also a fact that for most of us, empathy comes only when we go through a similar experience which affects us in much the same manner. It is only then that we understand the person and appreciate what she has gone through. For example, you may understand the reason for the way your parents behaved in a given situation only when you become a parent yourself. Were you given less pin money? You now understand the importance of frugality now that you have kids of your own. My 70 year old neighbour tells me that it was difficult for her to understand why her 80 – year old mother clung so fiercely to her independence – until she herself had reached the age when she could understand why her mother behaved so. Poignant, or what?

There are times when people talk loosely and without thinking about other women who are in certain situations like say, abusive relationships. But when, God forbid, they find themselves in a similar position, they regret those hasty and unthinking words they had uttered before! This is when empathy enters their lives and they actually feel for the very person they had criticised before. Their own bad experience has opened up a new dimension they were hitherto unaware of which has made them better human beings.

Empathy makes you a better human being – a caring person who is able to understand another's situation and extend a helping hand and a soothing shoulder to lean on. Empathise and see the difference it makes to your own life!