The hallmark of a good listener

What is it that differentiates a good listener from others? Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore has this to say:

• A good listener always asks pertinent questions. She seeks to clarify what she has heard by asking for specific details if she is not clear and trying to show her interest in what she has heard.
• Use both your emotions as well as your intellect when listening. In short, practice empathic listening which will help you to understand what the speaker feels.
• Always show participation by taking notes, nodding and making eye contact. This way you will notice the speaker’s expressions and you will empathise better.
• If you have a personal story or anecdote that is relevant to the discussion, don’t hesitate to share it. It will make you more approachable and human.
• Never interrupt when the other person is speaking. It is a mistake that many bright talented people make unconsciously. Always let people finish what they are saying before you air your opinion.
• Always pause and think before you reply. Never make off the cuff remarks. Pauses will make people more attentive and it will have a commanding impact. People’s attention will be captured as they will wonder what you are going to say next.
• Reserve important discussions for a time when you will not have any distractions. Unless you can concentrate fully, don’t discuss anything important.
• Always speak with a purpose. Avoid empty meaningless talk. This way, people will always listen to you when you do talk. Often it is what we don’t say that makes a bigger impression on people.
• Never give unsolicited advice. Most people just want a sounding board and might get offended when you offer advice. Unless someone specifically asks you for advice, don’t waste your time giving it. How many times have you ignored such unwanted advice?

Follow these rules about being a good listener and you will be successful in your job or in whatever business you are doing.

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