Children of broken homes need a real kid-glove approach as they are generally severely traumatised, not being able to comprehend the sudden disruption and upheaval in their hitherto calm lives. So how can parents help to make the children understand?
- Whenever it is possible, both parents should talk to the children together and then individually to each child so that they are able to meet the needs of each child.
- It is important to reassure them that they were born out of the love both parents shared and that they had wanted to have them. This can go a long way to reassure the kids that they were in no way responsible for the divorce and that both parents really cared for them.
- Next, the children should be made to understand that though they would be living with one parent, the other too loved them equally and would continue to love them always. Arranging for regular meetings with the absent parent will give the impression of consistency and will make the children feel safe.
- Kids must be made to understand that the parents are not going to live together again. Naturally, the children will be grieved when they hear it and they should be encouraged to express their feelings whether it is anger or grief.
- Physical activities and hobbies can help he child to release the pent up anger that they may have for either one or both parents. It is up to the parents to answer all questions posed by the children, honestly and frankly, without trying to hide anything. Take time to do things together.
- If you still have disagreements from time to time, see that the children are not forced to take sides.
- If the children are upset and confused and have feelings such as fear, anger, guilt or hurt, be there to listen to them whenever they want to talk of these feelings. It takes at least two years for an average child to recover from the parents` divorce.
- There is no need to make them feel embarrassed to talk about their parents` divorce. Make them understand it is no secret and it is okay for them to discuss it with their friends.
- Let the children be aware of he basic rules to be followed in each parent`s home.
By following these simple basic rules one can mitigate to a certain extent the trauma that the children of broken homes go through. After all, every parent owes it to their kids as what has happened is no fault of theirs!