Gone are the days when parents ruled with an iron rod. The parental mantra now is - spare the rod and 'unspoil' your child - through effective communication. While we do stress that discipline is not negotiable, it is equally important to realise that communicating effectively with your child can bring about positive behavioural changes.
When you have a difference of opinion with your child - don't dismiss her views. Listen to her - and try to see if she does have a valid point or two. Try to see things from her perspective - which is likely to be very different from yours. Then explain your point of view - in terms that she would understand. If you could compromise between her idea and yours - it would make both of you feel good. And it would earn you her esteem and regard as well. Dismissing her views outright would make her feel resentful and inadequate. However, if you feel you have no option but to deny her the request - voice your thoughts, fears and doubts. Enable to see your point of view - and then express your regret at having to lay down laws.
It's never too soon to start teaching her about integrity. But the only way you can do that is to set her a good example. If your child sees you twisting the truth around to get out of a tight situation - it's only a matter of time till she picks up the habit. Every child should be taught kindness and consideration. Values that are reinforced gently and habitually are apt to be absorbed and inculcated into the child's personality.
Every child - irrespective of her age or size - needs approval and affection. Are you quick to find fault and slow to appreciate? Believe me - it won't make your child behave better. She'll merely assume that criticism is a way of life - and won't see the need to please you. If she's doing something right - or even trying to do it right - you won't go wrong by expressing your approval. It would be a far greater incentive than criticism. A couple of hugs a day would keep her insecurity away.
If the two of you are both going hammer and tongs at each other - don't try discipline then. What you both need is a break - from each other. After time and tempers have passed - you could try again - in a more amiable way.
It often takes time and effort to bring about behavioural and attitudinal changes in children. The secret lies in positive but firm order.
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