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Are you a sympathetic listener? Do you listen patiently to problems voiced by family and friends and offer solutions and advice on how to deal with the situation? Or are you a silent listener, sympathising without feeling the need to offer advice? Being supportive by just being there? Maybe you are the type who feels totally uncomfortable when something is left in limbo, and so jump in with your suggestions which you insist on being acted upon. You are a person whose entire self esteem is based upon your ability to 'fix' things for others. Well..... In that case, you are probably a 'fixer' and are addicted to certainties!
There are some situations in life that need to be 'fixed' and some that are better off when left to 'heal' on their own. It is always better to ask yourself, when confronted with a problem, whether it is something that needs fixing or whether it is something that is better left alone to heal in course of time. When you thus analyse the situation, you will realise that they are indeed two very different options. There are practical solutions for physical problems - for example, it will be ridiculous to wait for a broken pipeline to heal on its own whereas a physical wound can be attended to and left to heal.
Relationships, when broken or shaken up need to be both fixed and healed. If trust is broken, there is an immediate need to first 'fix' your behaviour and then allow time to 'heal' the relationship. It is like dealing with a broken bone where it is first fixed and then left to heal. It is always better to be proactive and do the needful to 'fix' the problem first. When something needs to heal, it is better to attend to the space surrounding the injury only allowing in what would contribute to the healing process.
When confronted with a problem, always ask yourself the revealing question - 'Does this problem need to be fixed or healed?' This way you can be absolutely clear in your mind about whether it is something that will heal when best left alone or whether it needs immediate fixing. This minute taken to think about the action required will save you valuable energy that might go waste in trying to fix a problem that needs to heal or vice versa. Just think of this question when confronted with a dear one's problem and you will see the difference it makes to your attitude. Your clarity of thought might just amaze you!
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