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Marriages have got onto the fast track ` in fact they are on such a fast track that derailments seem to happen with alarming regularity. How does one prevent a relationship that began quite well, from deteriorating into separation or divorce?
This is especially the scenario in marriages among IT professionals or BPO workers. When we study the background for the split, we realize that it is a total lack of time together, a lack of communication and a gradual growing apart that is the result.
There is a sunnier side to this picture too, and that is the case of successful marriages ` something that happens maybe because being in the same profession gives rise to better understanding between the couples. Seeing these two totally opposing situations, we can only come to the conclusion that there is really no hard and fast rule and that it depends solely on the couples to work on their marriage and make it a success.

• Yours may be a love marriage, a case of two colleagues falling in love which has culminated in marriage, but unless you work hard on your relationship, you will find that the long hours and overwork take its toll. It is the back end work ` the building and nurturing of the intimate relationship ` that has to be carefully attended to and you better find time for that.
• Once you are married, see that all important decisions are taken together. If it is a question of shifting base because of your job, it is up to you to see that you take a decision that will not hurt the person you love and which will not have a negative impact on the family.
• Your family is your very own and should come first in all your plans for action. And more so your spouse. Try to spend as much quality time with him as possible and get to know and understand each other well ` even if it means saying `No` to others. Protect you marriage in this manner.
• In any marriage, sacrifices have to be made for the relationship to thrive. It is worth compromising on some issues to gain in others. You might have had tall plans before marriage but somehow they may not work out the way you had envisaged. Give in to gain more.
• Communicate with your spouse. Nothing like talking and sharing thoughts and feelings. Dinner table or after dinner walks, use the time to discuss various things that are important to both of you. Concentrate on each other and listen to each other.
• Try not to show unpleasant emotions, anger or cynicism which will put off your partner or cause stress and tension. Do not adopt a self righteous attitude, nor act like a martyr. Never be judgemental.
• You can be assertive but certainly not aggressive. Your body language is very important. Always deal with one topic at a time. Try to have a calming effect on your spouse and if your opinion differs sharply from his and assert yourself gently. Begin by telling him you appreciate his point of view though you don`t agree with him for various reasons.
• You need to constantly declare your love for each other. Show it in as many ways as possible ` an occasional gift, a bunch of flowers, helping with some work ` the list can be endless.
• Learn to share secrets that are all your own. They will serve as boundaries and will encourage each other`s growth because of the special intimacy they create.
• Encourage change in each other. No one wants to stagnate in life. It is in the early years of marriage that a couple gets to know each other the most. It is the excitement of the first discoveries about each other that makes you want to know more. Once you have spent a few years together, you become familiar and tend to take each other for granted. Instead, try to learn Encourage change in each other. No one wants to stagnate in life. It is in the early years of marriage that a couple gets to know each other the most. It is the excitement of the first discoveries about each other that makes you want to know more. Once you have spent a few years together, you become familiar and tend to take each other for granted. Instead, try to learn new things about your spouse periodically ` it will keep the interest alive and will prevent boredom from creeping into the relationship.
• Remember to have plenty of fun together, whenever time permits. Be relaxed in each other`s company and laugh together a lot. Maximise the time spent together to keep abreast of the fresh developments in your lives.
• Become a person your spouse can rely upon and trust fully. This is of course mutual. Never be judgemental and give each other space.
• Learn to forgive, forget and heal. Forgiveness is the key to the success of any marriage. Never let anger fester and eat into the marriage. Nip all resentment in the bud or I will prevent the relationship from growing in a healthy manner.
• Appreciate and applaud each other at every opportunity. Be generous with your praise. Just a few words of praise for a job well done will go a long way in appreciating your spouse and increase your closeness. Appreciation acts like a tonic. If you nurture your relationship and apply a healing balm whenever there are signs of a disagreement, you will help in building a strong foundation for your marriage that will make it last a lifetime ` as it was intended to be.