Divorce is an ugly word which brings in its aftermath trauma and psychiatric problems for the couple and the children, if any. Though most people are beginning to understand the deeper implications of legal separation and divorce, in India women tend to keep differences under wraps and pull on in such situations until they reach the point of no return ' or when the husband simply walks away. Most of these women are totally unprepared for the hard facts of finances and are generally taken for a ride by their husbands. This is more so in the case of women who

• Have opted to stay at home to look after the kids
• Are on the threshold of middle age and have almost forgotten their working days and have no clue as to how they can polish their skills
• Have allowed their husbands to handle all the family finances
• Were under the impression that marriage is for life and that they could always count on their husbands to look after them and suddenly find themselves at a loss

Divorce at any stage of life is hard, but especially so for women who have invested their whole life and energy in their families even to the extent of neglecting themselves. These women in particular, have to wake up to hard realities and start preparing for such a situation, even if it seems to them a very remote possibility.

Expect the unexpected

It may be daunting task for many, but it's never too late to put yourself on firmer financial ground - even if your marriage is thriving, and especially if it's not. If at any stage you get the feeling that your marriage may not last, begin by being proactive, though it would be ideal if you can be proactive right from day one. What happens if after a period of a few years into the marriage, your husband suddenly decides to leave ' would you like to be caught without a penny in your name and without any financial support?

It does not pay to be complacent. If you ignore financial matters, you become vulnerable and should a crisis arise, you will have a real problem.
So get savvy! Answer these questions truthfully and you will know where you stand.

• Do you know your husband's total earnings per month?
• Do you have any idea about what the monthly bills come up to?
• Do you know where your bank accounts are?
• Have you written your will? More importantly, has your husband written his?
• Any idea if your husband has borrowed money and if so, how much is the extent of your debts?

If you don't have the answers to all these questions, then lady, you better wake up! Hey! How about swapping places with your husband and taking over the financial management once a month? This way, you will have an idea about how the family finances are run.

A few savvy tips....

• See that your name is on all assets like house, car etc. Also on all investment accounts. Are you avid art collectors or do you believe in investing in collectibles and antiques? It would do you good to keep a copy of the appraisals and receipts.
• How about digging out your resume and polishing it up a bit? Ok. So it is a bit rusty. Why don't you upgrade your skills, join a class or even take up a part time job to keep yourself in touch? Maybe you could join a friend's firm and help out even on a voluntary basis. Just to keep in touch you know!
• Do you have a credit card? You need to have one of your own in order to build your credit record ' in case you have to manage on your own in the future.
• If you are divorced, forget about maintaining appearances. That is a tad too expensive! Simply downsize ' move into a smaller apartment and avoid falling into unnecessary debt just to keep up with the Joneses.
• Many women are so hurt by their husband's demand for a divorce that they just crumble and give in just to get it over and done with. This is dangerous as you will find yourself at a loss for finances.
• Right at the beginning, put yourself in the hands of a competent divorce lawyer. You may not be in the right frame of mind to deal with the crisis. Remember, no one but you can take care of your interests.

Like we said earlier, this is just to safeguard yourself and does not mean that you are anticipating a sad end to your marriage, If anything, your active participation and interest in the family's finances may serve to draw you closer to your husband. Maybe, in the rough ride of raising and caring for a family, the two of you have grown apart ' in which case the transition into midlife can be really bumpy. Don't let your problems fester and gradually terminate in a split. Instead, grow closer to each other by being aware of your problems and trying to find solutions together.

The famous empty-nest or almost empty nest syndrome, the trauma of a looming retirement, having to cope with aged parents, a career that seems to have stagnated and is leading nowhere ' these are some of the major emotional issues that couples will have to tackle.

Don't you think that it will only do you a world of good if you put your own financial house in perfect order? Just in case.....you know.

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