Are you getting married the second time? It's not uncommon today, so there is no need to be protective and defensive. Neither is there a need to make it a quiet and hush-hush affair. However, if there are children involved on either side or on both sides, tread a little carefully.

The children should be the first ones to know that you are thinking of getting married

• It is only next that your parents be informed.
• If your ex husband has joint custody of the children, then he too has to be informed. You never know, he may help you make your children understand that it is important for someone else to step into his shoes.
• Do not make the mistake of inviting anyone from your ex-in-law's family, even if it is a sister-in-law or brother-in-law who has been a tremendous support.
• This is not the time for awkward introductions C there is time for it later, when things are more or less settled.
• Make mention of the children's names in the wedding invitation, if there is one. This shows that neither of you is trying to 'hide' the children. It is also a way of showing the children that you are not embarrassed about them!

Yes, you are in love and you have found the right man, but for the man and for you, the children are an integral part of your lives. So learn to focus on the children too!

• Tread carefully. Don't insist on their warming up to you immediately. They won't!
• Don't expect children to participate in the wedding enthusiastically. If they express no desire to, leave them alone. But let them know that it is a special day for you.
• Interact with the children of your fiance so that you know them as people.
• Don't expect to take over their mother's position; it will be given to you one fine day C you have to earn it.
• In order to learn more about them, take them along shopping, wherever possible.
• Let them help you organise your wedding
• Go along with them when they buy a special dress for the wedding
• Remember, it is not the buying that is important but the bonding that happens on these occasions.
• Also remember that many have attended your first wedding, so there is no excitement for them. Limit the number of invitations so that people do not remark on the fact that they have to keep attending your wedding over and over again!
• Once the wedding is over, remember to introduce his and your children as 'our children.' If your second marriage is to succeed, then a lot depends on how you respond not only to your husband's needs but to the needs of his children too. Yes, it can be very challenging, but then that is what life is all about!

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