Home » Gen - Next » Teenage Issues  » Ways to help your teen If you asked Sunil Chandani, a recent college graduate, to describe his high school years, three words spring to his mind: 'A good time.' He had lots of friends, did well academically, enjoyed basketball and worked hard at his favourite activity: body building. How did his parents help make high school so memorable? â€"They were always supportive,” says Sunil. â€"They let me do what was right for me. They trusted me. They were always there for me    at matches, if I needed help with a class, driving me everywhere before I had a licence.”

Parenting is a process of stages. The first stage is one of being totally responsible, but in the second stage, the challenge is to maintain a sense of control while giving your teen increasing freedom. Do that and your kids will look back on those often challenging high school years as some of the best of their lives. Here's how you can make it happen:

1. Teens need    and want    limits. Working toward independence does not mean giving your child complete autonomy. If your teen can present a good case for expanded freedom, it doesn't hurt to let him. Try to be flexible. Maybe a curfew of midnight on weekends is reasonable. However, if your teen always comes in late, it probably isn't!

2. Listen twice as much as you talk. Communicating with your teen doesn't mean lecturing. It means truly hearing what he has to say. It is the greatest gift a parent can give a teen. Your child will simply tune out if he feels he/she can't talk to you. So if your teen makes provocative statements, such as â€"My teacher is a moron” or â€"I think Joey's a rotten friend,” resist the urge to leap in with lectures and advice. Instead, ask what he means. Listen to what he/she says, then listen some more.

3. Remember your own school years. Doing so may give you patience and confidence, or scare the daylights out of you, but it's a crucial step. When you take time to reflect on the emotional and social ups and downs you had experienced as a teenager, it will help make you more empathetic to how your child is feeling now.

4. Stay involved in your teen's education. Many parents make every effort to be an integral part of their child's education during elementary school, but frequently back off by high school. However, staying involved is one of the best ways to know what is going on with your child. There are plenty of ways to participate during your child's high school years. Commit to do so.

5. Be your teen's advocate. If you aren't, who will be? Find out the name of your teen's teacher and give a call. This is your contact person, who can help you and your teen with everything, from determining which classes are needed for college to arranging special help, if required. He or she can also give you an early warning if your teen is having difficulties or if other problems crop up.

6. Teach life skills. Kids aren't born knowing how to organise their time. You have to show them how. Is a major project due in two months? Your teen might be the type to wait until the last minute to begin. But a better approach is to break the project down into steps. Procrastination is often the product of fear. If you help your teen face that fear and learn to split up big projects into smaller parts, you'll teach him or her a skill that will serve him or her well long after high school.

7. Make it easy for your teen to have friends. Good pals are crucial to a teenager, so encourage him/her to invite friends over. Also, offer to drive them places. You'd be surprised what you can learn if you stay quiet and keep your eyes on the road. Along with getting to know your teen's friends, get to know the parents too. When you stay in touch with them, it's much more difficult for your teen to tell you â€"Everybody's parents let them stay out until 2:00 A.M.” or to pull the "I'll be at Asha's” while Asha is busy telling her mother she'll be at your house.

Use care in expressing your doubts about friends. The subtle approach is better than an outright attack, since teens    like most of us    will usually react defensively.

8. Let your teen know that what makes him/her special comes from within.The messages teens get from media images can often be overwhelming. They grow up thinking they should look or act a certain way in order to fit in. What can parents do to counteract the pressure? Reinforce your values. The fundamental question is â€"What makes you worthy?” If kids believe that beauty, sexual experience and sports victories are what it takes to shine, then they need to be exposed to another view. Tell your teen that you accept and appreciate him/her as he/she is. Help him/her discover and relish his/her talents and gifts as they are, not as someone else defines them.

The teen years are like no other. The feelings are more intense than at almost any other time of life. Certainly the future is important, but so is the now. Listen to the passion in your teen's voice when he/she talks about a movie, or the love of his/her life, or the funny things that happened in chem lab. Enjoy the beat in the house whatever it is    because, far too quickly, it will be over.