It Weighs on Me

A daughter-in-law who lives in the US has very recently sent her mother-in-law a weighing machine. In the accompanying letter she apologies for not being able to find a machine that shows the weight in kgs. This one is calibrated in pounds. If you are not conversant with this unit of weight here is the tip. When you stand on a pound machine the needle races to show some number well above 100 in thick, black markings. (There is a dark message here!) You then sit down (not on the machine, silly!) with paper and pencil and divide whatever number you see by 2.24 (You see, whenever you divide a number the answer is a much smaller figure!!).

Now when your daughter-in-law sends you a gift like that you need to pause and ponder. Is that a subtle hint? Is it real concern for your expanding horizons? Is it because you've been planning a trip to the US? You make a mental list of all the gifts you have received from her in the last three years your son has been married.

The first one was an attractive box of fat-free chocolates. Then came a bag full of herbal face masks and anti-wrinkle creams. When you planned to acquire a flat she sent you a floor plan with wide entrances to all the rooms (she is a US qualified architect). Recently she sent a panegyric on a web site that offers tips on staying trim (read thin) the easy way. Is there an easy way?

And when you complained of the difficulty in getting domestic help, she wrote that she preferred to clean up the house and do the dishes herself as this took care of her daily physical activity while leaving the house squeaky clean.

Well, she hasn't sent you recipes for a low fat diet. She has not ordered the Internet shops to deliver books on diet and exercise regimens nor has she asked you to check into the nearest slimming centre.

But you better prepare yourself for a battle royale. No, no, not with your daughter-in-law! It's the battle of the bulge!

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