She did not look back upon her life. It was a past, buried somewhere in her subconscious. Never had she brought it up. Today, after so many years, for a moment she thought about her past. The curious look on the youngster's face must have triggered those thoughts. The child's story narrated by one of the inmates must have crept in, as she sat immersed in divine thoughts.

Would she call herself abnormal or strange? Maybe she was a little of both but it didn't matter anymore. Did she remember her name? Was it Laali? Yes, that was her name but somehow she couldn't identify with it.

She belonged to an adivasi tribe in the southern part of India. She was part of a very small group of people who had little contact with the outer world, except for the serpentine train that passed through the forest, which was their home. Initially this huge serpent used to scare them. Slowly they got used to hearing its hoot twice a day and got to know all about it.

Right from her childhood Laali never felt connected to her tribe. She felt different from the others, in every way. She was always lost in her own world, keeping away from all activities of the tribe. She would just shut her eyes and plunge into a different world where she felt very comfortable. She didn't know which place it was but she knew it was heavenly and it gave her peace. She experienced a happy sensation when she closed her eyes. She loved the silence within her.

She also felt like a bird trapped in a cage. In the words of her teacher, she was a divine spiritual soul in an earthly body. She felt helpless. She couldn't explain her state to anyone in her tribe because she felt no one would understand her.

Her inner voice told her that this was not where she should be. Lots of questions tormented her mind: Who am I? What makes the leaf green and the sky blue? Who makes the butterfly so pretty? She felt like going in search of the person responsible for all this. In her innocence she did not know what was doing. She was in search of the maker, the God within and around her. Daily she would stand at a distance and watch the big serpent-train pass by. She enjoyed the happiness it gave her. She didn't know what it was but she hoped that it would take her to the world she wanted to go.

One fine day, her mother informed her that the time had come for her to be married. Laali knew this was coming as she had seen it happen to other girls of her tribe. It was a custom followed very religiously. As she was lost in her thoughts, she heard the hoot again and rushed out. Surprisingly, today it stood still, as if waiting for someone. She unconsciously walked towards it and got into it. And lo! The train started moving. She was petrified till an inner voice told her not to worry.

Travelling like a nomad she reached the foothills of the Himalayas. The beauty of the place and the peaceful ambience told her that she had found her destination. She made the mountains her home.

She has been living there since then, in an ashram. She has experienced pure bliss and divinity. She had listened to her inner voice. Had she been right? Did she do wrong? She didn't have the answer. The world around her surely didn't see her as a common person; they believed her to be really someone blessed and unique. An adivasi girl on a spiritual quest! God had made her, his own.

Priya Raghu

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