Every year mama has made me go to Venezuela ever since I can remember. When I was 8, mama made me go there by myself. I had to go to Spanish lessons and everything. I was doing pretty well and stuff, I had made friends and I got on with my work. After a week or so, the normal Spanish teacher had to go because her son had fallen ill and she had to go and see him everyday.From then on, her husband took over. I suffered for 5 months every night -he did bad things to me, things that have made me scared. I can still remember what happened. I remember the nights, how cold it felt, because I was scared and I still am. I can still remember the sound of the lock, when he used to lock the door with the key. All I could ever do was just try and hide in the corner. But I could never get out. How I wished I could get away. But I never It happened again when I was 11 years old, by a different man in Venezuela. He was related to me and I considered him to be a good friend. But no, he was the same as the other man. I had to go through that for 2 months. I cant take it anymore. Every night, every second when Im alone, Im scared, scared of what is going to happen. I get flashbacks Every single day. I see sick images in my head, I can still hear their voices.
Every night I see these scenes in my dreams. I just want to die. Im scared. I cant tell anyone, I cant tell my parents, we dont get along. If we talk, it just turns into arguments, and turns abusive after that.I feel as though, there is no one to trust. No one you can look in the eye, and tell them, what has been going on. Its driving me mad. I want to have a smile on my face. But I never can. I always have these people surrounding my mind. And if its not them, its others. I have to cry myself to sleep. I hardly sleep at night. I wish it doesnt ever happen to anybody. I feel like killing myself, its all getting too much for me now. I dont understand, why Im scared