rds--"letting" and "allowing" your spouse to do something.

It s usually children who are allowed and not allowed certain things.

I told my friend that my husband is an adult and smoking is a choice he makes. He knows enough to decide what is good and not good for him. I do believe that one of the worst things spouses can do is nag the other about something.

I think a good marriage is one where a spouse respects the other. One cannot act like a protective parent in a marriage. If you act like a protective parent, be prepared to deal with a rebellious teen.

The fact is nobody knows what will happen even in the next one hour. A few months back my cousin s wife dropped down dead ( a massive cardiac arrest) at the age of 36, leaving behind two kids who are seven and five. She neither smoked nor drank.

Another close friend s first cousin went through a similar tragedy. Her spouse who was 41 dropped down dead on his way to the bathroom. He neither smoked nor drank and was a pure vegetarian too.

A friend s father who was a chronic smoker lived upto the age of 75. My maternal grandfather lived upto the age of ninety two or so and he smoked too.

Yes, I am aware of the dangers of smoking.

I am also aware that life is very unpredictable.

What matters is how you live each day.

Be grateful if you have lived today well. Say a little prayer of thanks if you have had happy moments of togetherness with loved ones--friends and family.

And don t try to control your spouse. If it makes them happy, let go! Life IS short!

And be happy yourself too!!